Fresh Air
by Drones-of-Innocence
Summary: Princess Peach is secretly a stripper. Everyone in the Kingdom knows that Mario has a crush on her. She's suspicious of him; what sort of guy just rescues Princesses purely out of the kindness of his heart? Her bet is that he fakes it for the money and fame. He hasn't given her a reason to think he's not a good guy, yet. So what's she to think when she finds him at her strip club?
1. Chapter 1

O~o~O

"My, my, what do we have here?"

She had noticed a few of his friends earlier that night, panting up at her like dogs, offering up coins to her and losing their horny little minds when she tucked them into her cleavage. They were pretty easy to distinguish with their caps and those gloved, grabby hands, that would reach out if she got close enough. Despite the rule not to touch the dancers, men always seemed to forget themselves.

His friends were quite easy to keep engaged. Those men were all the same. Spin around on a pole a few times, show some skin, and you could win over any of them. So it should have been no surprise when she looked up at the conclusion of her final performance of the night, only to spot him, sitting off by himself in the furthest booth.

Mario. The hero of the Mushroom Kingdom. The Jumpman. Wonderboy. Probably the most well-loved man in the whole Kingdom. The red cap and mustache made him easy to recognize. He was well known for his gentle, innocent demeanor, and his big heart. Along with his role as the fierce protector of the Princess, of course.

So what was he doing at her strip club?

"Look, over there," she gave a discreet gesture in his direction, and her coworkers immediately saw him. They all giggled amongst themselves. "I told you. I told you it was all just an act. He's not so pure anymore. I'm going to reveal who he is once and for all."

They could try to keep the building as cool as possible, but with all the warm bodies, along with the exercise, it was inevitable for the space to get hot. That was how she could best describe the club; loud with pulsing music, and hot with desire of the customers. And dances. The strength and aerobic fitness required to be a dancer was no small feat. So, after her dance, she tried to cool off as best as she could. She wondered how Mario might be faring in his long sleeves. She left the stage to change outfits, thinking about what she might say to him.

There wasn't any chance he would recognize her. None of the men ever did; her body was too distracting for anyone to really get a good look at her face. Plus, with the way her makeup and her hair was done, she just looked like an ordinary young woman who was all dolled up for her dances. Not like the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. As far as anyone was concerned, at this hour, the Princess was fast asleep in her castle, dreaming the sweet dreams of a demure damsel.

All she wanted was a breath of fresh air. The taste of freedom. Handling foreign policy with men who wanted nothing more than to control her and her people was so tiring. So she found a way to free herself, at least for a few nights a week.

No one would possibly suspect her double life as a stripper. The only ones who knew were her coworkers, who also led their own double lives. Her advisor was also aware of her nightly activities, because they served a purpose.

As Princess, Peach was required to meet with various representatives of other kingdoms. They were often guests to her Kingdom, seeking to be shown a good time. Many of them were men who excelled in the art of politics. Politics was all diplomacy, all a facade, all saying whatever it took to get what you want. Peach hated the act. She hated the script. But most of all, she hated that the politicians all pretended to be innocent gentlemen.

So when she heard from Daisy that most of her guests could be found at the strip club, Peach decided to get some firsthand insight on the real character of these men.

Now, it wasn't a crime to go to a strip club. If men really enjoyed watching attractive women twirl around a pole in extremely suggestive outfits, that was fine. Peach had nothing against that. She worked there, after all. She enjoyed dancing and getting paid because the audience thought she was sexy. What she had a problem with was how the politicians she just met with could so easily act like they were above it all. "Whores," some would say of the dancers like her, unaware that she was standing right before them. "Wenches, all of them. Not a trace of dignity. Any commoner who goes into those clubs is a waste of life."

And yet, inevitably, she would find them all later that night, drooling up at her from the front row right with the 'commoners' he had just spent all day spitting on.

She started dancing to test their character. The results never surprised her. Dancing at night always told her who she could trust and who she couldn't, and there were a few who she could trust. Like Prince Peasley, for instance, who not only expressed admiration for workers like her, but also showed up to see her dance, as well as the men who performed the next day. Of course, he never knew he had watched her. He didn't have the slightest idea what the true cause was of the close relations between the Mushroom and the Beanbean Kingdoms. He likely believed his diplomatic skills and their friendship was the root of it all.

There were very few like Prince Peasley. The rest all pretended to be veracious and virtuous, when really they were corrupt and cold-hearted.

So when this strange little man just stumbles into her Kingdom by 'accident,' rescues her from one of her Kingdom's oldest enemies, and expects nothing in return, Peach found herself suspicious in every way.

This man, he led a modest lifestyle with his brother. He gave away most of his money that was found on his journey, and put the rest into the town. He got along with anyone he spoke to. And he didn't speak much. She had observed that somehow, he could strike up a conversation, even with an enemy, and end up with a new friend within minutes. She couldn't even do that, and she specializes in diplomacy. So she didn't trust him, or his so-called acts of kindness. She was convinced he only did good to curry favor.

If there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was an act. Mario could pretend to be a nice guy all he wanted, but Peach was bound and determined to reveal his true character.

Especially since he was sitting off by himself. The men who did that were the worst. She changed into an outfit that was bright red, yellow, and white, like the pattern of a fire flower, and then strutted out like she was born wearing heels.

She spied him from across the bar, and watched carefully. While Pauline danced away on stage, he sat alone. He didn't appear to be watching her. He didn't appear to be watching anything. There was an untouched drink in front of him, and he tapped his gloved fingers on the table. He didn't look very happy. Was he bored? Was he expecting someone to come and service him? Peach sneered.

He was no different than any of the politicians. The longer Peach watched him, the more she became certain that he was just like the others. All he was doing was pretending to be kind, pretending to be modest to earn the Princess's grace and eventual affection. Why else would he rescue her from King Bowser?

It was time to find out once and for all. Peach stalked the long way around until she was behind him, and then she moved in for the kill.

"Well, I'll be," she purred, coming out from behind his booth and posing with her arm resting along the top of his seat. "If it isn't Mr. Mario himself, having come to grace us with his presence. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

He practically jumped, as if she had shocked him with static. "Oh, ehm…" he looked up at her, and she saw the way his gaze snagged on her bust. He was already short, so between him sitting down and her towering over him with her heels, he had to tilt his head back quite a bit to look her in the face. She grinned. "Hello. Sorry, I'm not, ah…How, how do you know who I am?"

"Scooch on over, darling, let me squeeze in next to you." she interrupted him, and leaned down toward him. He didn't really have very much choice except to move over for her. He slid his drink down the table and gave her considerable space. While she made a show of sitting down, she noticed that he glanced briefly toward her chest, before he abruptly turned his head away.

He tugged at his collar. Oh, yes, it really was getting very hot. She smirked. "I'm really very sorry," he started to say, keeping his eyes upward or to the side. "I'm not-I'm not here for-"

She giggled. "Careful, you have such bright eyes. Those will get you into a lot of trouble." she teased him, and scooted even closer. With her back straight, she pushed her chest forward. She would figure him out one way or another. Despite her advance, he inched away. The lights were low and colorful. She could tell, despite the lighting, that his face had flushed a bright red. "Tell me, Mr. Hero, what brings you here?"

Mario, in his determination to keep his eyes off of her, seemed to realize he was looking toward the stage that Pauline was dancing on. He lowered his head and looked at the table. "I'm sorry," he said again, and then hesitated, like he was expecting her to say something. When she didn't, he went on. "I'm not here to watch. I just have to make sure my friends don't do anything stupid," he nodded to the stage, where his friends were still offering coins to any dancer. His voice was quiet. Peach had known that he was soft-spoken, but she really had to strain to hear him over the loud music.

"Aren't you just a gentleman?" she praised him, hoping to stroke his ego. The sooner she could soften him up, the sooner she could get him to talk. She made sure to sit up, showing him as much skin as possible. Men had a habit of speaking their truths when a woman was offering her merchandise. She would get him to tell her his darkest fantasies, his true goals, everything that would completely compromise his chance to get close to her as the Princess.

But he looked down in response to her. He fussed with his gloves. He shifted the way he was sitting. All clear signs of discomfort. She had to take a different route. "Oh, but they're big boys now. They can take care of themselves. You don't have to look after them, and I'm sure you don't want to. Wouldn't it be nice to have some fun? Loosen up a little?" she leaned in and nudged him with her shoulder.

She glanced up for just a moment, and saw a couple of guys had recognized Mario. They were pointing at him and whispering to each other. Peach quickly looked away from them and kept her focus on Mario. He didn't seem to notice anyone watching him. She pushed her chest out a little more, hoping to distract him.

Mario shifted away. "No." he shook his head. "Thank you, but no. I'm fine."

A clear refusal. Peach raised an eyebrow. Perhaps he was resisting the temptation due to the presence of his friends. Or perhaps there was another reason entirely. A smirk spread across her face. "Ah, it's a girl, isn't it?" she guessed, though she knew very well what the answer was. "You're a loyal one, aren't you?"

He frowned, and looked away from her when she tried to search his face. His eyebrows creased in an expression of shame. She knew for a fact that he was very single.

"No?" Peach tapped her chin to pretend she was thinking. "Hmm. Well, then, Mr. Goody Two-shoes. Is there someone you like? Do you have a crush on anyone?"

He wasn't sitting with his back straight anymore. During their conversation, he slowly seemed to be shrinking in on himself. He folded his arms close to his stomach and refused to look up. While his eyes searched the table, he opened his mouth, and she knew a denial was on the tip of his tongue.

She interrupted him before he could speak. "Let me guess. Could you perhaps be infatuated with our lovely Princess?"

He looked up at her with wide eyes. Peach narrowed her eyes and grinned; his hesitation was all she needed to see.

"I-I, no, no, where did you hear that? I don't." he finally answered, and immediately sat up and started fishing in his pocket. He brought out his wallet. "Look, you're very nice. I'm sorry I don't want any of your services. Money is what you want, right?"

He started to put some coins on the table, but Peach ignored him. "Oh, don't be so shy. Practically everyone in the Kingdom knows you like her. It's understandable. She is very beautiful. Who wouldn't fall in love with a helpless damsel in distress, hmm, Wonderboy?" she prodded him, seeking deeper insight. "Peach is a fitting name, you know. She does have quite impressive Peaches. Don't you ever imagine what could be under all those frills and skirts?"

While she spoke, he had frozen with his hand still hovering over the table. Peach went on, effortlessly, narrating everything she'd ever overheard about herself. "Pliable, plush skin, luscious curves that you could just taste. I'll bet she has a perfect body under that pink dress. You rescued her, didn't you? Haven't you ever just wanted to touch her? She's so respectable and proper, but quite helpless as well. You could probably get away with groping her here and there. She'd be too nice to say anything," she mused, playing with the strap of her bra. Scooting closer to Mario, she watched his widen more and more. "Wouldn't it be so sexy to watch her undress for you? With those big bluebell eyes on you the whole time. A chaste virgin, just waiting to be taken by the manliest hero. She would be so compliant in bed. Just imagine her calling out your name, hot with her first taste of pain and pleasure, while you storm her castle and part her walls. Hmm? Imagine all the ways you could fuck her into next week."

The narrative came easily. So many men had described to her, in gruesome detail, all of their fantasies concerning the virgin Princess. She had heard so many that she could wax her own without having to think about it. Her eyes gleamed with triumph. She could spin an even taller tale, weaving more and more together until she had created Mario's very own erotic tapestry.

What way would he lean? She couldn't wait to uncover those dirty thoughts buried in shadow. She could draw every single wet dream out of him like she was wringing out a towel. She placed her hand on his knee, a strategic move. As soon as he admitted one desire, the rest would come pouring out of him as she implored him, tell me more. Her hand would sneak up his leg. Maybe he was into bondage. That little tidbit of information would be deliciously ironic.

However, when she glanced down at Mario, she was taken aback. He had a hard expression. Not once had he ever fixed her with a look of anger before. She had only ever seen that focus in his eyes when he was staring down Bowser.

"You, of all people, should know there is more to a woman than those things," he chided her with a cold look. Peach blinked.

Without even a second thought, he urged her hand off of him. She felt strangely guilty, being scolded by Mario for speaking with such vulgar language about herself. Why was she guilty?

He let out a harsh breath, and pushed a generous stack of coins toward her in an abrupt motion. She must have really struck a chord with him. "Sure, I have a crush on the Princess. Is that what you want to hear?" His tone was careful and measured. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and then nodded to the coins. "Just take that. I have to leave."

His drink still sat, untouched, on the table. He stood and started to move out of the booth, out the long way since Peach was sitting on one end that blocked him.

"Mario, wait." Peach reached out, but missed catching his wrist. "Please, just a moment. I'm sorry if I offended you."

He cast a wary look, and paused. "It's fine." he mumbled, but he kept moving.

Peach couldn't let him leave. She looked around for something, anything, trying to come up with a reason for him to stay. She saw the couple of guys still hanging around across the way from the booth. "Hey, look, those guys over there, they've been waiting to intercept you for autographs and pictures. You see?" she tilted her head towards them, and Mario glanced up, skeptical of her warning. "If they catch you, they probably won't let you leave very quickly. And then others will catch on that you're here. The news will spread. Soon, everyone will crowd around to meet you."

Mario looked between her and the guys she indicated. They were watching him very closely, and looked up hopefully as he was moving out of the booth. He shook his head with a chuckle. "Why would they want my autograph?" he looked genuinely confused.

Staring at him in silence for a few moments, Peach tried to wrap her head around what he said. "Are you kidding?" she asked. "Mario, you're the most famous man in the kingdom right now! You're a hero! The only reason they haven't sought you out first is because I'm here. And I'm sure others have recognized you, they're just too polite or too shy to come say hello."

But Mario was shaking his head, amusement mixed with slight fear in his face. "That's silly. Why would they…" he started to say, and trailed off when the guys started waving for him. He blinked several times. Peach watched and waited. Sure enough, after a moment, Mario awkwardly sat back down and folded his hands in his lap. "You know, I will just, ehm. I will stay here for a little while." he nodded, for self assurance.

Peach let out a big breath. She had to put back on the facade. "Oh, good, for a moment there, I was worried that you didn't like me." she winked at him, and smiled when he looked down at his hands. Sitting with her knees together, she remembered to straighten her back and tighten her core. "You really don't think you're famous, do you? You have no idea how much of a star you are around here."

He didn't answer, except for a numb shake of his head. Peach felt intrigued by his bewilderment. Not only did he seem unaware that he was a celebrity of sorts in the Kingdom, but he didn't seem very happy to hear it. She would have expected him to be flattered, at the very least.

"So, humor me," she crossed her legs and rested her chin in the palm of her hand, leaning quite close to him. "If you don't like the Princess for her body, what exactly do you like about her? As far as I know, she's got the personality of a musty old book."

She had to be more careful with the subject. He gave her a sideways, suspicious look. He didn't like that she was asking. She had spent most of her time teasing him and insulting his crush, even if he didn't know that it was her. Maybe he had caught on to the condescension in her voice. "Most men assume that I'm just a mindless whore, but you don't seem to think that. I'm really just curious about you, hon."

That softened the jab. After a moment, weighing his options, looking between her, the table, and the guys who were still trying to get his attention, he made his choice. "No, I don't think that you're…" he shook his head and shut his eyes for a moment, letting out a quiet sigh. Peach couldn't help a broad smile when she realized he didn't want to say 'whore.' "Fine. I like her because she is very kind. I have never met anyone like her. She puts all her effort to the Kingdom. Nothing else matters to her except knowing that her citizens are safe and happy." he stared at the table without really looking at it. He looked lost, almost dazed, somewhere deep in his head.

Peach sat up slowly, and regarded him with wide eyes. He had the slightest hint of a smile as he looked off into space. Was he thinking of her?

He rested his elbows on the table, blinking dreamily at nothing. "She...I don't know how to say in English. But she, she puts everyone else in front of herself. Does that make sense? Her people, their happiness is more important than her own. She takes her work very seriously. Most of her citizens know that. They ask me to save her, and they tell me about how kind she is. I didn't really know until I met her. So I'm really very sorry if you believe those things about her. She's not a, ehm, how do you say? A musty book? Her face and her body, I think you know that those things are not very important. I think what makes her beautiful is her heart."

As he finished, he fell quiet with a tender smile on his face. He glanced to her once he must have noticed her silence. When his eyes met hers, Peach became very aware that her face had become very warm.

She was supposed to say something. "Oh…" she murmured, and Mario let out a soft chuckle. "Well, I suppose you would know. You're quite close to her, aren't you? I'm sure she loves having a hero like you around." She tried to think of something generic to say, thought he would agree.

At her words, Mario's eyes fell back toward the table. His smile became a little sad. "No. I don't think she likes me very much." he said.

Peach frowned. "What? Why not?" She hadn't given him a reason to think she didn't like him. She extended the same courtesy to him and his brother that she extended to everyone. She was a politician. She had to pretend that she liked everyone. If anything, she had gone to a little extra effort to make him feel welcome, especially because he saved her. She had invited him for cake and tea a couple of times to further their positive relations. So she was genuinely baffled about why he might feel that she didn't like him. He didn't look like he was lying.

"She is, ah, she is very formal. I think, yes. She smiles and laughs at everything I say. But not like she is happy. Does that make sense?" Mario gestured in a few circles while he spoke, and then squinted at her, as if searching for her understanding. "She is very smart. I don't think she trusts many people. Me? I'm nothing special. She has no real reason to trust me. And I don't think that many people understand how capable she is. So why would she trust them? She could run the Kingdom herself with both hands tied behind her back."

As she watched him, Peach considered his face, his expression. He really meant everything he was saying. She felt a startled rush, a strange surge of pride and excitement. Mario really had a great deal of respect for her. He was expressing genuine admiration.

"I don't think anyone has ever called her smart before," she said, without thinking. "Maybe she's tired of all the men who think of her as nothing more than a pretty face with a lot of money. Maybe she feels like she has to be suspicious of anyone who wants to help her. Maybe she just has to guard herself, and hold all her cards close to her chest." she only realized her mistake after she had spoken. Not even five minutes ago, she had been taunting and sexualizing the image of the Princess in nearly every way she could think of.

But Mario didn't seem to think very much of her sudden insight. He was too distracted, lost in his own thoughts. He let out a soft hum of agreement. "That would make a lot of sense." he nodded, and absentmindedly went to rest his hand around the drink. Not like he intended to drink it, but just to have something to do. The coins still sat on the table.

She had to go back to being an ignorant third party. "Well, why don't you ask her out?" she asked the first dumb question she could think of. "You're around her all the time anyway. Rumor has it that before you leave the castle every day, she kisses you on the cheek."

There was a rumor like that. But she had never kissed him. Mario rubbed the back of his head at the suggestion. "No. She has never kissed me," he told her. Peach tilted her head. He could have run with it, attempted to spread the rumor more himself. Instead, he was very firm and truthful with his response. "And no. I can't ask her out."

"What? Why not?" she feigned confusion, crossing her arms.

Mario chuckled, and his reaction startled her. "Are you joking?" he asked, and then gestured to himself. His overalls, his working gloves and boots. "Look at me. Where I come from, Princesses never come face to face with plumbers. They marry handsome princes. Not men like me." there was no bitterness in his tone, but Peach thought she detected a slight insecurity. One she hadn't put to use yet.

She gave a coy smile. "I think you're handsome," she said, and reached out to tap his nose.

He didn't bite. "You say that because you want me to pay you. It's your job." he responded easily, raising a brow.

"No, no! I really do think so! I think you're very cute, Mario." she flashed a grin. "It's hard to explain, but you're handsome in your own unique way."

Oh, he had some deep hurt going on. His amiable expression seemed to take on a shadow, and his smile was no longer so genuine. He must have heard every single variation of what she had just told him a thousand times. "Thank you." he said, though his tone had gone sour. He looked off down the row, where the lights were flashing patterns along the floor.

It was strange, she thought. He was so determined to defend the Princess from being judged by her appearance, and yet he judged himself through that very lense. She found herself wondering who exactly had hurt him. What caused him to feel so self-conscious?

Most men would have revelled in her praise. But then again, most men also would have also managed to talk down to her. They would ask her what she was doing with herself in a place like this, all manner of backhanded and demeaning "compliments." Where Mario had shown such respect for her, regardless of whether or not she was a stripper, he didn't seem to view himself as worth much more than what he looked like.

Perhaps she had contributed to that. Not directly, but she hadn't considered how being overly formal and dismissive toward him might make him feel. Because she hadn't cared before.

She tilted her head and watched him. His furrowed brow, his mustache only revealing a hint of his frown, his big, honest eyes. She had been looking at him under such harsh lights before, having believed that every inch of his personality was manufactured and artificial. An ugly personality had a way of making a person ugly as well. But now the lights were softer. He was a genuine person, who showed genuine kindness and made genuine mistakes. He had a sweet face. "You really like her, don't you?" she asked him quietly.

Mario rested his chin in his palm, looking across the room into the distance. "Yes." he sighed, and she could hear the hurt and the misery and the long hours he'd spent contemplating that very question, just in his voice.

Looking down at herself, Peach clasped her hands together, feeling very guilty. She had come to test his character. Tempt him with womanly pleasures, draw out his dark truths, tease him until he was frustrated enough to lose his composure. She had come with the intention of provoking him into acting out, which most men would have done on their own without too much effort on her part. But he just wouldn't.

Mario didn't want a stripper to dance on him until he forgot anything else mattered. He didn't want a stripper to spoon-feed praise right to his ego. He didn't want a stripper to insult the Princess to make him feel better.

He had been clear from the beginning. He came to look after his friends. Instead, a stripper had come and made him feel miserable about himself. That wasn't her job, and that wasn't who she was supposed to be. And after all the time he had spent expressing his admiration for her kindness? Of course, he didn't know that she was the Princess. But Peach still felt like she didn't deserve his respect after tonight. She had crossed a line.

She had tested him, but he completely defied the test itself. And now, she had to make it right.

"Hey. Listen, I'm sorry I've been so rude." she touched his shoulder, and he raised his head a little to face her. His dull eyes became a little lighter. "Look, the Princess is lucky to have someone like you to protect her. You're a sweet guy. I shouldn't have tried to pin you down as just another douche; you're the real deal."

He gave her a small, but real smile. "Don't worry about it. You are trying to do your job. I am just not a customer." he chuckled. "But thank you."

Despite all that, he was pretty forgiving, too. "You know what I think?" she asked him, and when he looked at her to show he was listening, she nudged his arm with her elbow and winked. "I also think the Princess would be very lucky to be with you."

Narrowing his eyes, Mario just gave her a funny look. "No. She deserves better than me." he leaned back into his seat, no longer so stiff like he was before. "She has her own, ah, her own Prince light blue."

Peach tilted her head. "Prince light blue?"

He gestured in a few short, frustrated circles. "Yes. I don't know how you call him in English. The Prince…" he looked up and let out a deep breath. "You know. The Prince. The, ehm, the handsome one. He rides a horse and he saves the day. He is in all of the fairytales. Principe Azzurro."

Watching him, Peach thought that he was cute when he was trying to explain himself. With his little gestures, he looked like he was physically trying to put together what he meant before her. "Are you talking about Prince Charming?" she hazarded a guess.

Mario's eyes lit up. "Yes! How do you say? Prince Charming?" the way his accent fit around the words together was funny. He kept accenting the 'e' at the end of Prince, and trying not to roll his r's. But he couldn't quite pronounce the 'r' without rolling it. "Yes. The Princess, she has her own Prince Charming, no?"

Like hell she had her own Prince Charming, if he was thinking of all the Princes she met with on a regular basis. The thought made her laugh. Those men were nothing close to the ideal of 'Prince Charming,' however much they might like to be. Either that, or Prince Charming was just another name for the assholes in politics. "Oh, honey, I don't think anyone like that is going to come along. I think he's already right here." she reached forward and adjusted his hat on his head. "She'd be crazy not to give you a chance." he was blushing by the time she leaned away again.

"No. I think she would be offended if I ever told her how I felt. It's not my place. She is a Princess. I am just a plumber." he rubbed the back of his head, with a bashful glance to the table.

Peach shook her head with a sly little smirk. "Aren't you forgetting that you saved the day? Mr. Hero? I think you should at least try to court her. You may be surprised, maybe she appreciates your charm more than you think." she realized she was encouraging Mario to make a move on herself. "Maybe you're not Prince Charming. Maybe you're not the tall, dashing, conventionally attractive fairytale. But maybe she doesn't need a Prince Charming. Maybe what she needs is someone brave, and someone with a big heart. Someone like you." she tapped his chest, right where his heart was.

He fussed with his gloves, looking off to the side. "She doesn't need anyone. Besides, she doesn't even like me." he shook his head.

"Oh, you don't know that. Maybe she's a little lonely. Maybe she does need someone every once in a while, and that's okay. And I still think she does like you." she folded her arms and relaxed against the table. "Hey, let me give you some advice. I know the way to a woman's heart. Trust me, I am one." she grinned.

Mario looked up at her to listen, and he didn't have to say anything for her to know what he was thinking. She may know a way to a woman's heart, but did she know the way to Princess Peach's heart? Little did he know, she thought with satisfaction, that she knew more than he could imagine. "Next time you see her, ask her if she'd like to go for a walk outside. You know. Princesses, they need their fresh air." she giggled like she was joking.

But she saw the gears turning behind Mario's eyes. He took her seriously. He took her seriously because she made perfect sense. From what he knew, the Princess was always in the castle, though she longed to be outside. He rubbed his chin. "I don't want her heart." he said, after a long moment. "I just want her to know she can rely on me. I want to be her friend."

Peach blinked at Mario. She couldn't hold back a big smile. "Well, a walk out in the garden isn't a bad place to start. Trust me, just try it. I think you'll be surprised by what can happen."

They looked at one another, and Peach could see hope shining in his big blue eyes. He took in a big breath, brows creased with uncertain resolve. "I will ask her." he told her, with a semi-assured nod.

No, Mario may not have been a conventionally attractive Prince Charming. But he sure did have an adorable smile. He had dimples! The lights became a little more mellow. His eyes were lovely, they told her every inch of what he felt. She had always found his accent endearing, even before she really knew him. Even before she wanted to know him. She hoped that now, she would have a chance to know him even better.

There was a small commotion. They both looked up. Pauline's dance had ended, and most of the crowd was on their way out. "Ah. My friends. They are leaving." Mario acknowledged, indicating them with a glance in their direction. He put his hands on his knees and nodded to the coins that still sat on the table. "You keep that. I'm sorry that I didn't want your service. Good luck with the rest of your work tonight. I should go; my brother will be worried." he started to stand.

"Well, thank you," Peach accepted his payment with a grateful nod, and watched him go. But the sooner he left, the sooner she could talk to him again. "You have a good night, okay? Take care of yourself. And be careful on your way up that balcony, Romeo." she called after him. Truly, parting is such sweet sorrow.

Mario turned to look at her over his shoulder with a confused smile. "What?"

Peach just waved him on with a joyful laugh. "Don't worry about it."

With an amused shrug, Mario waved goodbye and turned to leave. Peach shook her head. "Don't you worry about a thing, my sweet hero." she murmured.

She watched him meet up with his friends. They were teasing him, making gestures toward her, and she couldn't help but grin when she saw the exasperation in his face. One of them must have made a rude comment, because Mario punched him in the shoulder. Not hard enough to seriously hurt him, but enough to make a point. Peach shook her head. He really was something else.

As soon as he had left the club, Peach sighed and peeled her body from the sticky leather of the booth. Not wearing a lot of clothes got a little uncomfortable when she was sitting for an extended period of time. As soon as she was up on her feet, she was hurrying to get her things.

A few of the girls wanted to stop her to ask how it went. "He's nothing like I thought he was," she told them, putting on her coat and rushing to the door. "Listen, I have to go. I'll explain more tomorrow."

She went out the back door, out into the cool night air. She took in a deep breath. Then, with a pleased sigh, she hurried down the block to the taxi that always waited to take her back to the castle.

A breath of fresh air. That was all she wanted. Going outside was always a breath of fresh air. Dancing at the club was a breath of fresh air. Mario, he was a breath of fresh air, too.

"Hey, thank you for picking me up," she told the Toad who was driving. "Take me back home as quickly as you can, please."

"Of course, Princess." the driver replied. As they went, she watched the city pass her by out the window in soft streaks of warm light. The hour was late. As soon as she got to the castle, she would have to hurry to get to sleep.

She couldn't help but grin to herself. She had a date in the morning.

O~o~O

**So I guess some of you came for the sex, and hey, that's fair. But that's not exactly on my agenda of things to write for this pairing. Sorry to disappoint you, but here, have this silly and somewhat wholesome story instead! This was definitely my attempt at writing something new, and also my most direct way of portraying Mario "Respecting Women" Mario and Princess Peach "Do No Harm, Take No Shit" Toadstool. I normally try not to be so vulgar in my writing, but I figured, fuck it. Just fuck it, I had this silly idea, and I wanted to write it. If you somehow made it here without reading a little, realizing this wasn't a PWP, and hitting that back button, I really appreciate it. Even if you did, that's alright. I did do a little false advertising. Thanks for checking it out anyway. I mean it, thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

O~o~O

The room was dark and quiet, save for the sound of fabric shifting.

"Oh, Mario…" she couldn't help but let out a soft moan. "That feels so nice…"

He adjusted his angle, slow and deep. "Is this okay?" he asked her, his voice soft like moonlight.

Peach tilted her head back. Her eyes fluttered shut. "Oh, stars, yes. Please..."

His hands were so warm. She clenched the fabric. Every breath she took in came back out without much control. He was methodical and precise. He knew exactly where she needed him.

He was so good to her. "How did you learn how to do this?" she asked, and her voice was husky and weak.

"Practice." he replied easily.

She wondered just how much practice he had. It had to have been a lot. With the way he moved, his proficiency, she imagined he must have been quite experienced. She found herself grateful beyond belief that she was receiving what must have been the fruit of years of honing his technique.

He worked slowly but relentlessly. "You're very tight," he murmured. He kept his tone low, and she could hear his concern.

She didn't want him to worry. "Harder," she urged, and then she remembered herself. "Please."

Mario obliged. He kept his rhythm constant, but his steady pressure grew. She got the chills. He was finding places she had never felt before. He was pushing more and the goosebumps were just racing over her skin and couldn't open her eyes even if she wanted to. All of the sensations were blending together.

"Oh!" she let out a sharper sound just as he found a particularly sensitive spot. She had never felt anything hurt so wonderfully before.

Mario immediately let up. "Ah, I'm so sorry, Princess." he pushed with a fraction of the force he had before. "Are you okay?"

He must have mistaken her cry for pain. Peach squinted up at him with a tired smile. "Please, don't stop." she told him.

His hands still worked gently, and he searched her face for a moment. She assumed he sought assurance that she really was okay. His blue eyes reflected the soft evening light from the window. Soon enough, he went back to his task. Peach closed her eyes again.

She would have never believed what sort of pleasure would come when Mario offered to rub her shoulders.

He released tension in her neck and her back that she hadn't known about until it was gone. Her muscles ached and stung, but it satisfied her. His thumbs found every knot and worked them until they were smoothed over. He did deep tissue work in her shoulders, and the relief was immediate.

She winced when he found a particularly tense spot in her shoulder blade. "Oh!" she hissed, and he held his thumbs there, working slowly but with lots of pressure.

"Relax," he encouraged her. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe consistently. There was something very soothing about his voice. A calm concentration, a deep focus in his tone as he stood behind her. She found his presence to be assuring. Bit by bit, the tension left her shoulders, and Mario's gentle coaxing with his hands and words finally got her to relax.

Peach let out a deep sigh, and slowly rolled her head to stretch her neck. "Oh, thank you, Mario. You have no idea how much better that feels. You're amazing, thank you so much."

He came around in front of her, offering his hand to help her stand with a bashful little grin. "Ah, it was nothing." he looked off to the side. Peach watched his face, the way his big eyes shined in the low light, and those adorable dimples in his cheeks.

"Mario, it was not nothing," she chided him, though she smiled so that he knew she was teasing when she shook his shoulder. Even though she was playing around, she noticed that she couldn't budge him. He stood too firmly. She shouldn't have been surprised; he had proved his strength again after battling Bowser for a second time to bring her back earlier that week. Then again, everything about him managed to impress her over and over again. "I feel so much better now, I might actually be able to get through this meeting without a headache."

And then, of course, she would have to go straight to the club for her shift later. She would be tired, but she promised Rosalina that she would cover for her. Worrying used a lot of energy. More so than dancing at times. But, luckily for her, Mario's treatment left her feeling lighter and ready to take on the rest of the day.

He kept her hand in a gentle grasp as she got to her feet. His hands were so warm. Such a gentleman, she thought, with a pleased smile. Before he could know what she was doing, she leaned down and pressed her lips to his cheek. A quick kiss. She hoped, with the way that he practically jumped, that he was remembering those rumors that had been going around. The rumors that she kissed him every day. The ones that he himself had deemed false, now proven to have some truth. "Really. I mean it. Thank you." she kept her voice low, and remained so close that she could hear him let out a shaky breath.

Mario rubbed the back of his head, and gestured for her to go ahead. "I am always happy to help, Princess." He always had a slight strain in his smile around her, out of nervousness, but Peach thought the deep blush in his cheeks had to do with something much different. She couldn't stop smiling at him.

He was so sweet. He was still so nervous to be around her, and Peach thought he had to be the most adorable thing. After glancing over her shoulder to make sure he was following, she opened the door just a crack. She peered left and right. The hall was clear. With a slight nod and a beckoning gesture, she slipped through the door and began walking as if she hadn't just snuck away with Mario into the nearest empty room.

"Would you accompany me to the conference?" she asked, as soon as she heard his footsteps beside her. He walked just off of her shoulder. She was aware, out of the corner of her eye, that he kept turning his head to check the area. He was guarding her constantly, or as constantly as he could. Danger could lurk around every corner and within every shadow, as Bowser had shown them, even in her own castle. He hadn't even been formally appointed as a guard. Even so, Peach quite liked to think of him that way.

"Oh. I, ehm." Mario adjusted his hat, and fussed with his overall strap. "Yes. If you want me there."

She glanced down to him, and smiled. "I feel safer knowing that you're near." she told him.

Her compliment was purposeful. She didn't miss the way he glowed at her words, the little smile he tried to hide. The way he abruptly ducked his head and averted his eyes to the floor. Pleased, Peach kept up her brisk pace toward the conference room.

A passing guard saluted her, and she nodded back. Mario exchanged a friendly wave with him. They walked by the tall windows that opened up their view of the sun setting over the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario was apparently fascinated by the paintings on the walls. The colors, the history, she wasn't sure what exactly appealed to him. She would have to remember to let him take a better look and ask him next time she got the chance.

The meeting was going to be long and boring. Persuading Mario to stay with her was both a political move and a friendly one; the Mushroom Kingdom's allies had yet to meet her fabled hero, so she found it necessary to introduce him. The meeting also had the added benefit of making Mario believe that she both liked and trusted him. Asking him to do small favors, such as accompanying her, would send that signal.

He had expressed that night at the strip club that he wanted her to know that she could rely on him. So she was doing what she could to let him know that she sincerely appreciated his efforts. After that conversation, she realized he was far more attentive to her than she had previously assumed; he knew when she was faking and when she was being genuine. Luckily, she didn't even have to pretend to show him that she wanted him around.

She wondered how he got so good at reading people. Before him, she hadn't met anyone who could see through her with quite the detail and insight that he did.

Perhaps his people skills also stemmed from his insecurity. She didn't get him to admit much, but she saw the way he was ashamed about himself. She had a few theories. Over time, maybe he had learned to listen and watch carefully for signals from others that he wasn't wanted.

The thought made her sad. The one man who she did actually want in her life was constantly searching for reasons that his presence wasn't desired.

He was also a very good judge of mood and atmosphere. "Princess?" he called for her gently, and she blinked, shaken from her thoughts. "The conference, what is it for?"

The question he asked her wasn't the question that was in his face. No, his head was tilted with concern when she faced him. He had noticed she was preoccupied about something, but he knew better than to be direct. Peach was impressed; he had the potential to be a better politician than she was, if he wasn't such a sweet guy.

She knew, as she forced an easy smile, that she was in trouble.

"Trade talks," she answered him casually. "Some of our neighbors aren't happy with my tariffs recently."

Mario nodded, apprehensively. "This is bad?" he assumed, with all the innocence of a man who didn't know the first thing about foreign policy.

The conference hall was coming into view. Peach slowed to a stop right before the doors, and tapped her chin as if in thought. "Not exactly. I can use this situation to my advantage. You'll see." she winked at him. "Just watch and learn."

The eager look he gave her was positively adorable. He was genuinely excited. Why anyone would be excited for a trade meeting was beyond her, but she assumed that it wasn't exactly the case. He was just excited to watch her work.

Yes, she was in big trouble. Mario offered to get the door for her, like the gentleman he was. Peach smiled and thanked him. Doors were opened for her all the time, by guards or servants who had to supplement her dramatic entrance by acting in sync, and with fierce flair as she entered the room. This was designed to give the impression of strength and order. The Mushroom Kingdom would not be idle. She enjoyed orchestrating such displays of power, for the effects were subconscious. Anything more overt, and the other representatives would take it as a threat.

However, with Mario, Peach decided on a new policy. He opened the right door, quietly, and they both strode into the room full of chattering nobles. No trumpets, no servant waiting to announce her presence. Of course, Mario had no idea that this was abnormal. But as she moved through the room, she noticed her subjects were ill at ease. They didn't understand why she instructed them to keep her entrance to this particular meeting on the discreet side.

Still, everything fell silent as soon as the other nobles spotted her.

With her head held high, she made her way to the floor. The room was still. There were a few spare murmurs, no doubt about the man beside her. Without even picking up on any words, she recognized their belittling tone. She was all too familiar with it.

She did not miss the way Mario hesitated. He could sense it, too. The disdain and derision was aimed at him. She was dragging him into a place full of people who all sneered at him, and he was all too aware of it. Sure, he certainly stood out the most, in his working overalls, but Peach had a point to make. She could only hope he would understand later. He was brave. She assured herself that he would be able to stand his ground in the face of all the subtle mockery.

The meeting was not exactly as dull as she had anticipated, or hoped. She was pleased by Mario's steady presence just behind her, and was very aware of his unwavering gaze. Even knowing he was there, or maybe because he was there, one bureaucrat in particular was making things difficult for her and the other representatives. She couldn't even begin speaking before he decided he had to get his word in.

She did not know the man who stood before her. He was quite tall, with flowing blue hair and a pink uniform that resembled hers. "Greetings, Princess Peach. I was so relieved when I first heard word that you returned safely to the Mushroom Kingdom; we were all very worried for you." he bowed deeply. "Ah! My apologies. I am Prince Haru of the Flower Kingdom.

"Prince Haru." Peach acknowledged with a nod, which Haru understood as an invitation to come closer. He came in even closer than the men were allowed to the dancers at the strip club, and Peach had no choice but to stand her ground. He smelled a little funny. Like garlic. She chose her words carefully. "Thank you for your...Gallant concern. I appreciate that you thought of me while I was in trouble."

He looked down on her, just slightly. Mario shifted behind her. "Gallant is my middle name." he flashed her what was supposed to be a charming grin, to which Peach gave a polite smile in return. He moved closer. Her choices were to stand her ground despite how close he was, or move away to prevent him from touching her, and neither option gave her any advantage. She felt forced to step back to try and indicate that he was violating her personal space. Not only that, but most of the room had gone quiet to watch Princess Peach and Prince Haru. The pressure was building.

She narrowed her eyes; she could recognize his intentions. He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew that he was dangerously close to crossing a line, and he also believed there was nothing she could do about it.

He kept an elegant dance very close to it, moving to and fro an invisible boundary that Peach strained to maintain with calculated steps away from him. The Toads that were stationed as guards in the room watching their Princess helplessly. She wouldn't stray from decorum; her expression never faltered from a gentle smile. Still, she continually had to step away each time Haru tested the line. She was playing his game in an attempt to avoid it. "Yes, quite." she responded, over the murmurs of the other royals. "I had a lot of help."

Her "help," stood behind her, though none of them could know that. They were all so dense, they wouldn't consider the only man in the room not dressed in regal attire was the one that had rescued her. Her point still remained to be made. If only Haru would allow the meeting to go on without trying to take the floor. She wouldn't get the chance to be discreet if he was going to be a pain in the ass.

"The rumors told of how you called for the Jumpman to rescue you. _Jumpman_!" Haru spoke the name in a haughty, resounding voice as if to mock the idea, and the room echoed with tittering laughter. Behind her, Mario looked around with wide eyes. His attention returned to Peach when Haru swept her hand up and gave his biggest leer again. "But, my dear, sweet Princess, you need not call upon the Jumpman any longer! Legends, of course, can't do any rescuing. What you require is a noble Prince to protect you from the evil King of the Dark Lands. The Jumpman is just a tale. But, me, your Highness? I am real."

Haru leaned close with a smolder, like he expected a kiss_._ Peach couldn't help but wrinkle her nose when she turned her head up to avoid him.

"Excuse me, Princess, is this man causing you trouble?"

Peach blinked, and looked to her left to see Mario. He had taken his hat off to address her. His voice had projected throughout the room, and now all eyes were on him.

She couldn't show that she was startled that he spoke up. He was trying to help her, no doubt; she knew that concerned look in his eyes. Even despite how uncomfortable he was in the spotlight, the poor man still wanted to stand up for her. Perhaps she could use his unexpected actions to bring her to her point. "Well, yes. I am feeling quite uncomfortable." she gave a stiff smile.

Mario nodded to her. Then, he put on his hat again and slowly turned to face Haru. He considered the Prince for a moment, narrowing his eyes. Peach could see the evaluation he was making. His expression became cold, and he crossed his arms. "I have to ask you to leave the Princess alone." he stated sharply.

The room went silent. Peach had only ever heard him use that tone twice before. She raised a brow, impressed. He had the guts to order an entire Prince, a man several ranks above him, to leave. The whole situation reminded her of a bouncer fending off aggressive customers from the dancers. She wondered if he would ever consider that line of work.

The moment of shock, however, did not last long. The entire room burst into laughter.

Haru gave a chortling laugh. "What is that?" he inquired, pointing at Mario like he was a bug.

Mario didn't appear to care. "I will not repeat myself." he uncrossed his arms and took a couple of steps forward, fists clenched. At his advance, Peach noted Haru eased back a step.

She raised her chin. He had given her a perfect opportunity to shame them all. "_That?_" she spoke, with new power in her voice. Pausing just a moment to look back at her, Mario saw her stand tall, and watched her with wide eyes. She fixed Haru with a stare that could level a mountain. "You shall not call him 'that,' for he has a name. He is called Mario. Though, you may know him as the Jumpman."

The stunned silence she was met with pleased her, and Mario met her proud smile with shock equal to the crowd. She heard 'Jumpman' echoing all around the room, as everyone whispered the name to each other. Haru looked particularly struck. "Excuse me—?" he sputtered. "The Jumpman is merely a story!"

Between them, Mario shifted from foot to foot. He managed to keep his head up. Peach felt bad for him, but she had to shine the spotlight on him for a little longer. "I, too, believed him to be merely a story. However, as Bowser invaded my land, I had to believe that there was a noble, nameless hero out there who would listen to my plea for help. Whether or not they were the Jumpman, whether or not he was real, I sent my wish across the worlds in the hopes that it would reach that hero. None of you had responded, and I had no one left to turn to. I can only thank the stars that Mario heard me."

Her words were scathing. The entire room regarded her with a rush of noise, of excuses in the face of her bluntness. Her point. King Bowser stole her away from her castle, and who helped her? Out of everyone she asked, a legend came to her aid, a man no one believed was real. She collected just enough materials and power to send word to every single one of her allies. Yet, none of them answered her. And now, here they all were, trying to explain that she couldn't possibly understand the circumstances. They were hung up on other matters. Of course they were. Peach listened to their excuses with a wry look. Some said they never even received her letter. Others claimed they had their own troubles that prevented them from assisting the Mushroom Kingdom in its time of need.

And poor Mario, who stood there before her in the midst of the chaos, only just now learned the magnitude of the way other Kingdoms treated Princess Peach.

They would only help others when it was convenient. When it benefited them. Despite how their alliance specifically enumerated that the Kingdoms would help each other when one was imperiled. No, Peach knew the truth. She was a commodity. A prize to be won, a trophy to cling obediently to their arm with a loving smile. Rationally, they would only act in ways to benefit their own kingdoms. But she they wouldn't hesitate to take any action that would have her at their mercy. However, there was one big factor that couldn't be ignored when her allies saw that she had been kidnapped. They were all just scared of going to war with the Dark Lands.

They weighed their options, and decided that opposing King Bowser posed far too great a risk. So they stayed out of the matter.

Sure, she was just as averse to going to war. The Mushroom Kingdom alone was obviously not strong enough to defend itself against the full military force of the Dark Lands when the Princess had been kidnapped not just once, but twice by the King. But with the others, the power of the alliance had the potential to triumph, if only they would all work together.

But, looking across all the representatives of her allies, Peach knew they were all hopeless. They weren't capable of acting cohesively. The bickering, the contests, it was all so very tiring. Peach resisted the urge to yawn. She still had to dance later, and she knew she was going to have to deal with the same bullshit from the men at the club.

"What can the Jumpman do that I can't?" Haru finally asked. "He is nothing but a commoner!"

Peach took a step forward to stand next to Mario. "It's not a question of what he can do. It's what he already did." she responded easily, putting a hand on Mario's shoulder. "He's not even from this world, but he heard my call and came to help. You heard my call and ignored it."

There. She said it. Now they all knew that she saw right through them. If politics was like chess, this wasn't quite checkmate. However, it was a start. They still wouldn't see her for the woman she was. But she preferred it that way. She would have to go back to her sweet, mild demeanor to get what she really wanted from them for this particular conference.

"Prince Haru, Mario has asked you already. So if you please," she started to say, moving toward the podium and looking down on Haru. She clasped her hands to her chest and batted her eyes. "Sit down so that I can get on with the meeting?"

What she actually said was meaningless. All Haru heard was "Please," and "Sit down," and a sugary tone of voice. And who wouldn't comply when a pretty lady wanted something? Between the Princess changing her tactics, and Mario standing by, ready to reinforce her orders, Haru determined the best course of action was to obey. He had nothing to say to her. None of them did. But, as all pretentious men do, he tried to get the last word anyway. "Your wish is my command," he sneered, before flipping his hair and going back toward his seat.

Mario turned to look at her. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. Peach hoped her nod to him would let him know that he could relax; she was done making him the center of attention. "Good evening, everyone. I sincerely apologize for the delay." she approached the podium and faced the crowd with a demure smile. "This meeting concerns the trade deal we negotiated two months ago."

O~o~O

Peach was in more trouble than she cared to admit.

Ever since that night at the club, Mario had been the only man on her mind.

Her advisor had gotten onto her about being distracted from her duties. Down at the club, her boss had pulled her aside and asked if she was feeling alright; she had apparently not been dancing with enough focus. It wasn't like she could actually tell anyone the real reason she was so lost in her own head. She hadn't wanted to admit it to herself at first.

But, as time went on, as the days passed with him in her life, she knew the truth had become unavoidable.

When she was alone with Mario, he made her feel as if they were walking through a fairytale. She wanted to see him smile, make him laugh, anything, just so that he would be happy. Everything about him was so soft. She wanted to breath him in, she wanted to listen to his heartbeat and match with her own. She wanted to be with him.

Except, that she couldn't. There was one thing, among a variety of factors, that stopped her from pursuing a genuine relationship with Mario.

The trouble was that she didn't know how to tell him that she was a stripper.

Specifically, that she was _the_ stripper that urged him to court her in the first place.

She couldn't imagine how he would feel. Would he be angry? Not only that he lied to her, but that she spent her nights teasing other men? Sure, it was in his nature to be kind and polite, but everyone looked down on strippers, didn't they? No one around her could possibly imagine that a Princess could be anything like a stripper. How would he react when he found out that she was the same woman? She had technically forced him to betray himself to her, hadn't she?

Peach let out a long sigh as she dusted the heavy makeup on her face. Rosy cheeks, smoky eyes, the whole sexy shebang. Her hair had to be done up in a manner that couldn't be compared to her classical Princess look. Her bangs, she parted them at the middle, though they still formed a heart no matter how she tried to straighten them. The rest of her long, blonde locks, she tied up at the top of her head. By day, Princess Peach rarely wore her hair in a ponytail. By night, she wore her hair in whatever trendy style she felt like.

The face that looked back at her in the battered mirror hardly resembled the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom at all. Especially when she painted her lips a bright, glossy red. No, the woman looking back at her wasn't a Princess at all. To the outside world, she was a stripper, a slut, capitalizing off of her conventional attractiveness. Providing temporary relief to the primal desires of lonely men.

Surely, she was no different in Mario's eyes.

As kind and tolerant as Mario may seem, the biases against dancers like her were powerful. He couldn't be any exception to the norm. In some ways, neither was she. Her upbringing had taught her to look down on the girl in the mirror. She had to actively reteach herself to see the profession of stripping as one just as worthy of respect as a Princess.

Though, it was difficult to do that when it felt as if the entire world opposed that view. Most of the time, not even the Princess got respect.

"Hey!" several knocks resounded on her door. "You're up! Daisy's almost finished!"

"Okay, alright!" she called back, and stood to adjust her outfit. She wore yellow this time, with accents of rainbow sequins, like an invincibility star. For the same reason Daisy never wore gold, she never wore pink. Rosalina never wore blue, and Pauline never wore red. None of them could risk being recognized. Though, as the club was located in Toad Town, Peach had to take extra precautions and request that no one address her by name. The bouncers, her boss, they had to get her attention another way. It was usually her stage name.

She slipped through the door and got to the curtain just as Daisy was coming off stage. "Hey, girl." Daisy greeted her, and gestured behind her with a wry grin. "Tough crowd. I think they like me better when I wear the pig-tails. Those sick fucks. It makes me look like a little kid."

Peach scoffed. "That is sick," she agreed, shaking her head.

"Good luck out there! Oh, and hey," Daisy leaned in close just as she was about to head back to the dressing room. "I think your friend is here tonight. Maybe he wants you to have a chat with him again." she winked.

The music was starting up again. They were waiting. "My friend? Which one?" Peach tilted her head. She had several regulars.

Daisy just gave her signature smirk and strutted away. "You'll see!" she called over her shoulder.

With an amused sigh, Peach shook her head after Daisy before she peeled back the curtain to make her way to the pole. "Milli Vanilli!" her name was announced by the DJ. The music began to pick up. She had already gone through the first few parts of her routine when she managed to spot him across the room.

The room was humid with desire. She was immediately deaf to the hooting and hollering on the floor before her. Mario happened to look up and catch her gaze.

She winked at him, without breaking her stride, before she hefted herself up and began spinning.

Locking her knees, she leaned back until the world was upside lights were bright and hot. The ground practically buzzed from how loud the music was. His friends, they were back. She managed to spot their faces on perv row. So Mario was there to look after them again? Peach couldn't help but smile.

She wondered if he would ever be inclined to watch her perform. The exercise was hard, but her excitement was bourne of anticipation. Every time she stopped spinning, she cast a glance across the room to see where he was looking. But he only seemed to be keeping half an eye in her direction.

Perhaps he just wasn't into this form of entertainment. That shouldn't be too surprising; everyone had different preferences. However, while she flipped up on the pole so she was only supported by her thighs above her head, she couldn't help the sinking thought that he also looked down on dancers. Mario had to be biased one way or another against strippers. Everyone was.

She wanted to explore him, to find out what those preferences were. His would be so interesting and rewarding to discover. She could perform exactly to his taste. That night, when she had spoken to him as a stripper, she had wanted to undo him for the purpose of learning just what kind of man he was. Now, she thought with an ironic smile, she still wanted to do the same thing. Just with different intentions. He had a special performance waiting, just for him. If only he would have her. Not because she wanted to test him, or because she needed information, but because she genuinely wanted to entertain him in the way she knew how.

But Mario couldn't love a stripper.

No, he was too damn morally principled and kind and good, and all the things that men who consumed her work were not.

She came down to circle around the pole, her hips moving in time with the beat. Her smirk was dangerous. While she scanned the crowd, she could see more than a couple of the representatives she had spoken with earlier. Even through their meager disguises, the hungry look in their eyes hadn't changed. She was certain she spotted a trace of blue hair in there somewhere. The crowd let out a whoop when she leapt back up onto the pole, colored beams of lights flashing all over the stage.

Princess or not, Mario just couldn't love her. She couldn't lie to him. He would see through her front, eventually. He might think that he was madly in love with Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom, but Peach was certain those feelings would change if he knew the full truth about her.

The song ended. Peach didn't bother to check if Mario was watching while she gathered her tips.

She had painted herself into a corner.

That was her conclusion, as she made her way off stage. By encouraging Mario that night, she had set a series of events into motion that severely limited her options. She wanted him. He thought he wanted her. But it was all a mistake. She had to make him believe he didn't want her anymore, without revealing the truth, and without hurting him. The process had to be natural.

Still, it would also be painful for her. She changed into something temptingly red, with velvety texture and straps that framed her bust. Anything to distract from her face; as long as he couldn't look closely in the dark room, he still didn't have a chance of recognizing her. Even so, she worried. He had been in her company frequently enough that he had to be familiar with the shape of her face. The makeup could only alter so much.

Her heels were beginning to hurt. The arch of her left foot had been bothering her throughout the day, but she still had a job to do. She made her way out to the floor while the next dancer was starting her routine.

She came up behind his booth, steeled herself with a big breath, and then nudged his shoulder. "Well, hello there, stranger!"

His eyes lit up as soon as he saw her. "Ah! It's you!" He already scooted down the booth to make room for her and patted the seat, before he gave her a bashful smile. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to call you. If you want me to call you anything. Your stage name, it is Milli Vanilli?"

Oh, that sweet smile of his made her heart melt into a little puddle. He seemed so happy to see her. Why was that? She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and crossed her legs. "Blossom. You can call me Blossom." she answered. Her middle name worked just fine for a fake name. Many men wanted to know her real name, but any good stripper knew better than to give that information out. In any case, he probably knew she would never tell him her real name anyway. "So, what brings you here tonight? Have you finally come to your senses and decided you wanted to have some fun?"

He chuckled when she wiggled her eyebrows at him. "Not this time," he shook his head, amused, before he indicated his friends over across the room. "They wanted to come. But I was hoping that I would see you again." he had a guilty look, to which Peach couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, sure, you came to watch your friends. I think you just missed me." she nudged him and winked.

Perhaps she had just forgotten what he was like when he was relaxed. But his casual demeanor felt so natural, compared to when he was stiff and afraid to be himself around her as Princess. "Maybe just a little." he grinned. She would never have been able to tease him as Princess Peach, but this way, he didn't appear to mind one way or the other. At least, not yet. There were a few ways she wanted to try getting under his skin before he left for the night.

She leaned back, resting her arm across the top of the booth. And Mario, bless him, he had such bright eyes, she couldn't miss the way he happened to glance down at her and just as quickly corrected himself. She existed to be admired. That was her job. Surely he knew that, and still, he resisted the natural human impulse to look at her when she moved. Such a try hard. She wondered if he liked boobs, or if he was more of a butt guy. "So? How have you been? Any luck chasing after those sweet Peaches?" she shifted her shoulders with a sultry smile.

Mario pretended to roll his eyes, shaking his head. "I have been good." he said. "And I am not sure about the Peaches. But I think you were right. The Princess, she might like me now. As a friend. I think we are closer now. What about you? How is work?"

She blinked. "Oh." she didn't know how to answer; no one usually asked about her. It was her job to make the customer feel special and appreciated, not the other way around. Mario spoke to her stripper self as if she was an old friend. "Well, you know. The usual."

He didn't respond, except to watch her patiently. What was he doing? He was waiting. Waiting for her to say more. She was already scouring her brain for ways to answer his question in a more suitable way. That damn silence! She used that trick in politics. And now, he was using it on her, and it was working. "I mean, it's just always loud and a little crazy. A guy almost threw up on me last night, so that was fun. I'm pretty sore because I tried a new trick today that needs some more practice." She knew she was babbling and she hated it, but she couldn't stop until he stopped looking at her like that. "I'm in for a long night. My feet really hurt."

Mario nodded, and she was finally released from the spell. "Mine would too." he nodded to indicate her feet, crossed under the table. Her heels. "If I had to wear those."

She gave a breathless smile. "Yeah. You should try it sometime." she couldn't believe him. No one had ever gotten her to answer more than a sentence about how she was feeling. And with that innocent look on his face, she knew he hadn't intended any of it. No, he was just a sweet guy who genuinely wanted to know how she was doing.

He grinned at some distant thought. "Can you imagine?" he tried to mock her pose, and pointed his toes. "Me, as a dancer. I think I could do it. But I would look stupid." he sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

The image in her head was pretty silly, too. But she had seen the way he jumped and flipped during his battles with Bowser. He was extremely acrobatic. More so than she ever could be. "I think you would be great at dancing." she tried to compliment him, but she realized what she was saying. She could not think of anything other than Mario in a goofy little outfit, with heels that gave him more height than he would know what to do with, spinning around a pole. She tried desperately to hold back her laughter. It shouldn't be so funny.

Mario, however, seemed endlessly amused by the idea. He coughed into his fist to keep from snickering. "If you ever want to put this club out of business, let me know. Just one dance. I will empty the room."

Shaking her head, Peach covered her mouth to hide her smile. "I'll keep that in mind," she giggled. He was right. It was a little sad, but true. Mario just didn't have what it took to attract an audience as an exotic dancer. Not that he ever wanted to be one, but Peach couldn't help but think that regardless of how he looked, he would be amazing at it. She wondered how much talent went to waste in the world just because someone wasn't attractive enough.

She took a deep breath. "Well. Anyway, you said you wanted to see me?"

"Ah, yes. I do." Mario rubbed the back of his head. "I just want to ask a question."

Raising a brow, she watched Mario's hand ghost over his face. Right close to his cheek. "Oh?" she shifted the way she was sitting so that her body was angled more toward him. "Well, fire away." she smirked.

He nodded, and fussed with his hands in his lap. She was used to his small periods of silence by now. After talking to him nearly every day as Princess, she noticed he often took a moment to speak. She figured out that he wasn't just being quiet for the sake of being quiet; he was actually just taking some extra time to figure out what he was trying to say. Time came with the language barrier, she supposed. Words were sometimes hard for him. "The Princess, she, ehm." he pulled at his collar. "She kissed me. Today."

The music picked up again. The crowd over by the stage began hooting for the woman who was dancing. "She _kissed_ you?" Peach pretended to let her jaw drop, and leaned toward him to inspect him. "What kind of kiss are we talking about? How long was it? Was there any tongue? Or did she kiss you somewhere else, like on your—" she started to point down.

"No, no!" Mario backed off, shielding his lap with his hands. She had to try hard to keep from laughing at the horrified look on his face. "Ahi, not like that! She kissed me on the cheek!"

She scoffed. "Oh. Well, that's just boring."

Letting out a deep breath, Mario relaxed again. His cheeks had gone a little pink, he was probably embarrassed about having such a reaction. Or he was embarrassed about the thoughts she had put in his head. "It was fast. A small kiss." he contemplated the worn table, before he looked up at her.

With a cheeky grin, she tapped her own cheek with her finger. "Would you mind demonstrating?" she asked him, leaning in.

He blinked several times. "Ehm. The— the rule. There is a rule not to touch the dancers." he stammered. While he didn't try to move further away, he angled his head in such a way to avoid contact, though she didn't move any closer. She couldn't help but think she saw a slight amount of fear in his face.

"Relax, honey, I'm only teasing." she leaned back to give him some more space. The poor man became so flustered at the mere suggestion of giving a kiss to a stripper. The idea must have been repulsive to him. "So? She kissed you on the cheek. That's a good thing, right?"

Mario let out a big breath and rested his hands on his knees. "I don't know. I don't know what it means. That was what I want to ask." his voice got quiet. Peach thought he was going to say something else, but he closed his mouth and shook his head.

_What do you think it means, you adorable dumbass?_ With a small smile, Peach touched his shoulder. She had to know what he was thinking before she could try to influence him. "What do you think it could mean?"

He shrugged. "I am Italian. Kisses are normal where I come from. But it is different here. Does that make sense?" he winced. "I don't know. I don't know what is normal here. If it is like America, or it is different, I don't know."

Italian. Kisses were normal there? She remembered him trying to explain nationalities from his world. While she had done a fair amount of her own research about his earth, she still couldn't get a solid idea with just books. America, she recognized that name. That was where he had spent most of his life. He and Luigi had worked there for a long time before they stumbled into the Mushroom Kingdom, though he was quick to tell her, the Princess, that he liked the Mushroom Kingdom much more than his own world. However, he didn't need to tell her for her to know that.

She decided she had some questions for Luigi. She needed information.

"Oh, sweetie, if a girl kisses you on the cheek, it means she likes you." she decided it would be safe to clear that up for him. But, she had to keep in mind that she was trying to make his feelings for the Princess fade. She couldn't keep encouraging him. "She probably trusts you. You have been very useful to her."

There. That was exactly what she needed to say. For a moment, Mario's eyes had lit up. Then, they dimmed again. He cleared his throat. "Ehm. Yes." he agreed, looking off to the side. "She, she asked me to a meeting today. I think I was only there for— for, ehm, how do you say? Leverage. I was only there for leverage." he frowned at the table until he found the word he was looking for.

Damn, he was good. Peach was impressed, but also concerned; how could he be so spot on? Could he see through every single one of her intentions? Had he really figured her out so easily? No, he also doubted himself. As long as she neither confirmed nor denied any of his thoughts, he would never be sure. She chose not to answer. Instead, she nodded along to show she was listening.

The silence worked. He gestured in circles while he tried to think. "But— But I don't mind. If I am just a tool to her. I don't mind. It is enough that she wants me close to her." he let out a quiet sigh, and looked off beyond her, to the distance. He had a dazed smile. "She is so smart. I wish I could explain better. There was a problem, she explained to me but it is hard for me to say. The, ehm, the tariffs. With the other Kingdoms. They were not happy because they have to pay more for her exports. But she convinced them to accept the deal. It was amazing."

She raised a brow while she watched him, brows furrowed, hands gesturing, to convey an idea that went over his head. So he had paid attention. Seeing him try so hard to explain what the meeting was like for him was hopelessly endearing, and she could feel her chest surging with warmth. She was already smiling before she realized it.

His voice was so mellow and relaxed. He must have been caught up in his thoughts of the Princess, of the woman he believed he loved, while he spoke. He had such a faraway look in his eyes. How did he spend his time alone? Did he think of her, or dream of her? Did she make him happy? To think she had to take that away from him, Peach pursed her lips. She wished she didn't have to.

The room went dark for a moment. There were eyes on her, from across the room. Blue hair. She spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. A man, he was walking by.

Mario spotted him, too, and stopped talking. The silence felt stiff. His expression became hard. "Blossom," he used her fake name, lowering his voice. The man moved out of their view. "That man. Do you see him?"

She would recognize that sly smirk of Prince Haru's anywhere after that afternoon. Trying not to show her disgust, she nodded. "Yeah, why?" feigning ignorance left a sour taste in her mouth.

Those lovely blue eyes of his became dark and cold. "Listen. I get a bad feeling from him. I think he is dangerous." he told her. Peach wondered why he didn't mention that he had actually met Prince Haru. Perhaps it was to keep her from asking too many questions. "Something is wrong about him. I look at him, and I know he is not friendly. So please, avoid him if you can."

His tone was grave. She had never heard him speak that way. Forcing a smile, she elbowed his arm. "So what? This is a strip club, hon. There's a ton of weirdos hanging around. Besides, I can take care of myself." she winked. "I know you're, like, a hero and all, but you can stick to rescuing actual Princesses. You don't have to worry about me."

Mario tilted his head with a strange look. Shock? She couldn't pin it down. The way he stared at her, that imploring gaze of his, gave her no sense of what he might have been thinking. He let out a long breath, and slowly reached across to touch her hand. His eyes never left hers.

She shifted out of discomfort when he didn't say anything. "Hey, what's the big deal?" she asked, with a nervous laugh. His gloved hand was warm. The room itself was hot, but the weight of his gesture was more of a comforting contact than the heady atmosphere of the club. Didn't he just cite the rule not to touch the dancers? She couldn't tell what he was thinking. Seeing him so serious made her nerves spike briefly. He was reminding her of her encounters with Bowser, when she and everything she loved was threatened. Mario was only so solemn in such situations.

"Blossom." he said her fake name again, but in such a delicate tone that Peach found herself too afraid to move. He did not usually make so much eye contact. His intense stare and quiet voice compelled her to hang on to his every word. "I need you to understand this. The Princess, she is important. But you are also important to me. Everyone is. I just want for you to be safe."

Her mouth was dry. "Yeah?" she managed. "Well, that's sweet of you, darling. I'm sure you'll get all the ladies with that kind of smooth talk. But I'm just a stripper. I see guys like that on a regular basis. Nothing new to me." she strained to keep her front.

Mario shook his head. "You think I am joking but I am serious." his expression became stern, almost frustrated, and Peach instantly felt a heated rush in her chest. "I don't care what you are or what you do. You are my friend."

Why was he trying so hard to convince her that he cared? Could it be that he was possibly telling the truth? No, it was all wrong. Mario was only acting the way he was because he was kind. He didn't care all that much about her, personally. He couldn't. She was just a stripper. At the moment, all he wanted was for Prince Haru to leave everyone alone. So he was just doing everything he could to make her avoid trouble. Right? He just couldn't care so much. "Your friend, huh?" she responded, shifting under the weight of his gaze.

He nodded. The pressure let up a little. He patted her hand twice, before he finally let go of her. "Yes." he answered her with wonderful simplicity. He did not have to say anything else for her to know that he meant it.

She reached up to touch a stray strand of hair, feeling her hands and knees buzzing with restless energy. Why was she reacting so much? "Imagine that. Mario, hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, friends with a stripper." she gave an ironic chuckle. "You don't even know my real name."

With a shrug, he leaned back in the booth and looked out across the room. The floor was at a normal level of chaos, all the noise, light, and music showcasing the dancer. No sign of Prince Haru for the time being. "It does not matter if you are a stripper. What is important is your character, yes? You are a good person. I can see it. You help me even though I do not want your service." he smiled. "I do not have to know your name to like you. You want me to call you Blossom, so I call you Blossom."

He didn't even acknowledge how she tried to flatter him, with the hero talk. Perhaps he was ignoring it? He had told her once, to the Princess, that he actually didn't like being called a hero at all. She wondered why it had bothered him so much.

And why was he telling her that he liked her? He was so odd. Sometimes, she didn't have the slightest idea what he was thinking.

Staring out across the club, Mario crossed his ankles. "Your stage name. Milli Vanilli. I did not know that you like music from my world." he grinned.

So he wanted to continue the subject of names, huh? Peach wondered what he was talking about. She frowned. "I'm not sure I know what you mean, darling."

His smile became bashful. "Oh. I was hoping that you would know." he rubbed the back of his head. "Where I come from, Milli Vanilli was a band. They were popular for a little while."

A band from his world? Peach got her name from an old shirt that she owned. She couldn't remember how or why she got the shirt, or if it had always been there. But she thought the name was cute, so she used it onstage. "I see. You'll have to show me their music sometime." she arched her back while she sat up, hoping to catch Mario glancing at her chest. But he wasn't paying attention to her.

He was shaking his head at some inner thought, smiling to himself. She wondered what could be so funny about Milli Vanilli.

The song ended, and a new one was starting up. Mario's friends were talking to each other. They would likely leave soon. Then, Mario would go, too. She pursed her lips.

"Hey," she got his attention, and waved vaguely over to his friends. "So those two perverts. Why are you friends with them? You're such a sweet guy, it makes no sense that you even associate with guys like that."

She wanted to understand his definition of a friend. Maybe if he gave her a solid answer, she would know why he apparently wasn't bothered to be friends with a stripper. Perhaps a friend was something much less serious to him than it was to her.

Raising his eyebrows, he looked over to where she indicated. "Oh. Wario and Waluigi?" the two began walking away, toward the door. Mario did not seem in the least concerned or rushed. Instead, he leaned so he could reach his pocket. He pulled out his wallet.

She blinked at him. He was going to pay her? They hadn't even been talking for very long. Had they? A glance to a clock on the wall to her left told her that they had actually been sitting together for quite some time. She nodded, while watching Mario count up the coins.

"I know they seem odd. And they are. A little. But they are not so bad when you talk to them." he watched them with a wry sort of fondness. Then, he set down his payment, and slid it toward her with a guilty smile. "Besides. If I am not their friend, then who will be?"

Then who will be, indeed? "Thank you, sweetie," she hummed, accepting the coins. He was even more generous than last time. She shook her head, trying to disguise her surprise. "I'll have you know, you are one interesting guy, Mario."

He slid out of the booth and got to his feet. At first, he didn't say anything. He only tilted his head at her with a contemplative look. "Is that bad?" he asked, blinking at her with those honest eyes.

That poor, sweet man. Peach had to try and distance herself again. There wasn't a choice. If she didn't act like a stripper, then he might actually begin to believe they could be friends. She followed him up. Her heels added a few extra inches to her height, enough for her to tower over him. Their part of the room became dark, briefly. She could still see his widening eyes follow her every move. As she stalked around him, she ran a finger across his chest with a widening smirk. "Oh, no, hon. Actually, I think you might find that the women in your life think of it as a very good thing." she purred.

Mario must not be used to such attention at all. "Oh." he stood, frozen, while she circled around him. The light came back. She could see the color in his cheeks. He didn't know what to do.

No, she wasn't an enemy, where the easy answer was to fight back. But she also wasn't enough of a familiar friend to him. He didn't know how to react to a stripper doing her job. No, that was wrong; he knew how to react to that just fine. Perhaps he must have forgotten that strippers try to convince their customers to buy more of their services? No, he could clearly see the other strippers milking other men of their money all over the club. So what was it?

He was tense, braced beneath her touch, ready to fight or flee. He was afraid? She wasn't sure. When he was facing Bowser, she remembered touching his shoulder. He was tense then as well. But this was different. Then, he was animated and focused, driven by a specific goal. Now, he was just caught completely off guard. Why was a stripper more intimidating to him than a raging Koopa King?

Then, it clicked into place.

He wasn't used to being the object of seduction. He wasn't, because society had told him he wasn't desirable that way. If he truly saw the world in terms of friends and enemies, she was neither. She wasn't out to harm him, but her touch surely wasn't welcome. And he didn't know how to deal with that. He couldn't decide on any course of action, and his indecision gave her all the more power over the situation.

Oh. That was why he was so reluctant to act on his romantic feelings. That was why he was insecure. He must have only ever had negative experiences concerning love, being so certain that he would never be desirable enough. Then, that would logically lead him to avoid romance entirely. That would explain why he wasn't used to a woman giving him such attention. It was all a feedback loop. And, his helplessness was a negative experience as well. She was only reinforcing what he had learned, what he feared.

Peach came to understand a lot more about him in that instant.

And she knew that in order to make him feel secure again, she had to relinquish some of the power to him.

Her hand moved to gingerly touch his shoulder instead of his chest. She stopped circling to give him a route of escape. "I'll bet your Princess likes a man who's interesting." she changed the subject so that the focus wasn't immediately on her anymore. "I'll bet you're already closer than you think to those succulent peaches."

She tapped his nose. His face was bright red. "Ehm— I…" he stuttered, searching for words in her face. He couldn't find any. When he sought space by backing up a step, she didn't try to follow him. She had to let him find control again.

His friends were watching. They had stopped a good distance away to watch her mess with Mario, and she saw them snickering together. At least it was just those two who had noticed. She couldn't do anything more to mar his image; others in the club might recognize him.

Standing up to her full height, she indicated his friends with a nod in their direction. "Your buddies are waiting for you." she told him.

He turned to glance over his shoulder. Wario and Waluigi waved gleefully at him. He raised his hand, and gave a halfhearted wave back.

Then, he faced her again. "I have to go. It is late." he said, rubbing his temple and starting to back off. His voice was soft at first. But he was gradually regaining his nerve. "Good night, Blossom. Please stay safe. I hope work goes well. See you soon?"

She grinned, and nodded. "Sure thing, hon. Thank you for your patronage." she held up the money he had given her. "You stay safe, too, alright? Goodnight!"

With one last nod and a friendly little wave, he turned and left. She watched him for only a moment. His friends would tease him if she continued to watch him go. He needed the chance to recover from her teasing in peace, without the pressure of his friends. Not that they were going to be considerate of his feelings. In any case, that was all she could do. So, she tucked away the money, and started to the back; she had another dance to get ready for.

As soon as she had turned, her smile fell. Dammit! She wasn't supposed to be giving him hope. She was supposed to be trying to make his feelings fade. Instead, she managed to dig herself even deeper than before. Frustrated, she let out a rough sigh just as she got to the door. She glanced back, and saw Mario's bright red hat disappear out front. He was gone. He was gone, and she had yet again strengthened his hopes that the Princess could return his feelings.

She groaned to herself. Yes, of course she returned his feelings. But she just couldn't act on her desires. There was too much at stake. The welfare of the Kingdom relied on her. Her safety relied on Mario. And if she were to anger him by telling him the truth, what then? Would he leave? Would he become an enemy? Would he decide to just stand back like her other allies if King Bowser came again? There was no way she could predict the scope of the fallout if she allowed herself to follow her heart.

No. He couldn't ever love her. She sighed, and reached to open the door.

Her hand froze above the handle. Someone was watching her.

She glanced up, to her right and left. There wasn't anyone she could see. Perhaps she was imagining it? Shaking her head, she twisted the door handle and started inside.

The instant before she got through the doorway, she caught a glimpse of blue hair and cold eyes.

O~o~O

**Will Nintendo ever forgive me for this? I highly doubt they read what their fans write in any case, but I still feel as if I have to repent for my sins...I turned their most iconic female character into a politician masquerading as a stripper! Then again, I suppose it's better than rule 34 or whatever. Geez this chapter got long, and the story isn't even over yet! This has actually been done for quite some time; I was saving it for when I had more of the last chapter done. Also, for those who recognize Prince Haru from the Mario movie, please forgive me haha I needed a humanoid villain to project misogyny onto and I couldn't think of anyone better. Anyway, this AU is fun to play with even if it is more mature than I usually write. I hope you enjoyed, and I especially hope you enjoy the last chapter!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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